Psych behavior revisited: The parasite continues to be an embarrassment to society
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Jane Margaret Laight
2012-01-08 15:27:00 UTC
On Jan 8, 8:35 am, DP <***@destroypsychiatry.org> wrote:

A Scot visited London on business, and when he returned home he sat
down with his mates, and began to tell his story.

" Well, I was in London, and I fancied a break, so I walked into a
pub- anyway, turns out it was a fucking gay bar. So as I was sitting
there, this puffter came up to make, ask me to do something ... urgh,
I can't even bring myself to say it. I told him, I've never done that
in my life. But, after a while, I gave in. I'm still in shock about
it, I just can't believe I did it!"

His mates looked at him, " Och, that does sound bad- what exactly did
you do? "

"Well," replied the Scot, " I bought him a drink."
Jane Margaret Laight
2012-01-08 15:20:02 UTC
On Jan 8, 8:35 am, DP <***@destroypsychiatry.org> wrote:

A chemistry teacher in a high school in Glasgow is doing an experiment
for his class.

He takes a pound coin out of his wallet, drops it in a beaker of acid
and asks, "Now class, will this Pound coin be dissolved by the acid?"

One pupil puts his hand up. "No sir, it definitely will not!"

The teacher smiles, "That's right, lad - well done! Now, can you
explain why?"

The boy smiles back, "Well, if the acid was going to dissolve your
coin, you would have used a penny."
Jane Margaret Laight
2012-01-09 20:02:47 UTC
On Jan 9, 8:38 am, DP <***@destroypsychiatry.org> wrote:

Two vampires would take a mortal along when they had a night on the

When they ran out of money to buy drinks, they'd jab the mortal in his
neck and suck his blood.

After a while, the mortal refused to accompany them, as he was getting
tired of getting stuck for the drinks.
Jane Margaret Laight
2012-01-10 14:50:28 UTC
On Jan 10, 7:53 am, DP <***@destroypsychiatry.org> wrote:

My state trooper brother-in-law always liked this story:

A K-9 officer stopped at a crossroads garage to use the facilities,
leaving the dog inside of the vehicle.

A small boy walks up and asks the policeman, "do you really have a dog
in there?"

The policeman says, "yes I do."

The wide-eyed little boy, says in a whisper, "what did he do?"
Jane Margaret Laight
2012-01-11 18:39:40 UTC
On Jan 11, 8:06 am, DP <***@destroypsychiatry.org> wrote:

My Grandfather Horton was a kindly old North Carolina farmer who
tended to drive his GMC pickup rather fast over the dirt roads of
Northampton County.

One day, as he is driving to Raleigh, he is on the main highway when
he is stopped by a state trooper.

"Mr. Horton, you know that you were driving quite fast, indeed you
were well over the speed limit."

"Yes sir, I guess you have got me there," said my grandpa.

"I'm going to have to write you a ticket," replied the trooper, and
while doing so, he proceeded to lecture my grandfather on safe driving
techniques, and why he should not be driving so fast, and stuff like
that there."

As he is writing the ticket and lecturing my grandfather, the trooper
is bothered by a swarm of flies buzzing around his head.

Grandfather looks on with some amusement. "Well, Officer, I see you
are being pestered by circle flies. We got a lot of them down in this
neck of the woods."

The trooper stops his harangue and stares at my grandfather. "Yeah, I
guess so; but I never heard of circle flies."

"Well," replies my grandfather, "We get a lot of circle flies down
this way, as I said. We have a lot of farms around here, and circle
flies are real common. They tend to congregate around the rear ends of
horses and mules and such."

"Oh, I see," said the trooper, as he continued to finish filling out
the ticket.

"Hey, wait a minuite," he says, fixing my grandfather with a steely
stare. "You aren't trying to call me a horse's ass, are you, Mr.

"Mercy me," my grandfather replied. "Perish the thought! I would never
say anything like that to a state trooper. My granddaughter's husband
is also a trooper, and I am very much aware of what you fellers have
to go through. I have too much respect for him and other law
enforcement professionals to even think of calling you a horse's ass."

"Well, that's a good thing, then," said the trooper, and he went back
to work writing the ticket.

After a long pause, my grandpa, with that smile of his, quietly said,
"You just can't fool them flies, though..."
Jane Margaret Laight
2012-01-15 10:52:12 UTC
On Jan 14, 7:58 am, DP <***@destroypsychiatry.org> wrote:

"I've just had the most awful time," said a boy to his friends.

"First I got angina pectoris, then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was
recovering, I got psoriasis. They gave me hypodermics, and to top it
all, tonsillitis was followed by appendectomy."

"Wow! How did you pull through?" sympathized his friends.

"I don't know," the boy replied. "Toughest spelling test I ever had."
Jane Margaret Laight
2012-01-15 16:42:16 UTC
On Jan 15, 8:59 am, DP <***@destroypsychiatry.org> wrote:

The story is told of a man who decided tp go fishing one weekend
without telling his wife.

Saturday morning he woke up in a hurry, dressed quietly, got fixed his
lunch, took the dog, and then rushed to the garage.

There he attached the boat to his jeep and took off for the lake.
Unfortunately the weather was terrible so he had to head back home and
park the car back in the garage.

The weather channels announced no improvement whatsoever so he then
decided to get back in the house.

He undressed again and went back to bed.

He hispered to his wife:

"Terrible weather outside..."

She replied:

"Can you believe my husband is stupid enough to go fishing on this
Jane Margaret Laight
2012-01-17 13:25:01 UTC
On Jan 16, 9:03 am, DP <***@destroypsychiatry.org> wrote:

A kid called up his mom from his college and asked her for some money,
because he ran out.

His mom said, “Sure, sweetie. I’ll will send you some money. You also
left your calculus book here when you visited 2 weeks ago. Do you want
me to send that up too?”

"Uhh, oh yeah, okay,” responded the kid.

So his mom wrapped the book along with the checks up in a package and
went to the post office to mail the money and the book.

When she gets back, her husband asked, “Well how much did you give the
boy his time?”

She said, “Oh, I wrote 2 checks, one for $20 and the other for $1000
out to him.”

"That’s $1020!” yelled her husband. Are you crazy?”

"Don’t worry, Hon,” she said. “I taped the $20 check to the cover of
his book, but I put the $1000 one somewhere between the pages in
chapter 19!”
Jane Margaret Laight
2012-01-17 13:34:16 UTC
On Jan 16, 9:03 am, DP <***@destroypsychiatry.org> wrote:

A college student was in a philosophy class which had a discussion
about God’s existence.

The professor presented the following logic:”Has anyone in this class
heard God?”

Nobody spoke.”Has anyone in this class touched God?”

Again, nobody spoke.”Has anyone in this class seen God?”

When nobody spoke for the third time, he simply stated, “Then there is
no God.”

One student thought for a second, and then asked for permission to

Curious to hear this bold student’s response, the professor granted
it, and the student stood up and asked the following questions of his

”Has anyone in this class heard our professor’s brain?”


”Has anyone in this class touched our professor’s brain?”


”Has anyone in this class seen our professor’s brain?”

When nobody in the class dared to speak, the student concluded, “Then,
according to our professor’ s logic, it must be true that our
professor has no brain! You can’t argue with that!"
Jane Margaret Laight
2012-01-17 20:42:36 UTC
On Jan 17, 9:38 am, DP <***@destroypsychiatry.org> wrote:

oldie but goodie:

Tom, Dick and Harry were in the pub enjoying a few quiet drinks one
night, when they decided to get in on the weekly raffle.

They bought five $1 tickets each, seeing it was for charity.

The following week, when the raffle was drawn, they each won a prize.

Tom won the first prize - a whole year's supply of gourmet spaghetti

Dick was the winner of the second prize - six month's supply of extra-
long gourmet spaghetti.

And Harry won the sixth prize - a toilet brush.

When they met in the pub a week later, Harry asked the others how they
were enjoying their prizes.

"Great," said Tom. "I love spaghetti."

"So do I," said Dick. "And how's the toilet brush, Harry?"

"Not so good," Harry said, "I reckon I'll go back to paper..."

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