Glenallan
2005-09-20 13:39:49 UTC
To understand the dynamics of the sterheid rammy,
I will have to take you back some fifty years or so.
Before Glasgow Corporation raised the auld tenements tae
the grun, there was a peculiarly democratic code that existed in
the mair or less dingy closes of the tenements.
What you need to understand is that a 'Close' would comprise
maybe three levels, each called a Storey, and each, except the
ground floor having a half-landing, which would house a stinking
latrine called a Lavvy (lavatory). Each level may have a mixture
of say three, sometimes four, flats containing families of up to
half-a-dozen or more individuals.
There was invariably a 'Singalend', or more elusively called
'butt-and-ben', a 'through-and-through', and a 'twin' flat where
the kitchenette lay side by side with the room, adjoined by
a 'loabby'.
The loabby was where bikes were kept, using a pulley, and
a stout wooden bunker was sited against the wall to house the
domestic coal reserves. It is worth saying here, in case you were
wondering, that the lavvy had to serve about 25 people.
Naturally, people, (of other families, so I'm told), thought
nothing of pissing in the sink if the lavvy was loacked.
However I digress.
Picturing then, this three dimensional geography, the scene is set for
the playing-oot of the Sterheid Rammy. Only one further ingredient
was necessary. Flagrant contravention of 'the code' of
'the tinnamint close.'
One day, I remember it well, I was sitting in the half-landing lavvy,
reading a sheet of the newspaper that was subsequently tae be used
tae wipe ma erse, when I heard Mrs McIlwraith mouthing off ,
tae ma horror, some really unutterable oaths, quietly but getting
louder.
From behind the door, which I was holding shut, on account
of the lock being broken for fifty years or so, I could hear her sort
of shuffling up and down the stair..and a low swearing.
All of a sudden, she erupted, "Ca yersell a hoosewife ya dirty
bastard Henderson", and then she disappeared intae the hoose
and shut the door wi a slam.
Next, I could hear auld Mrs Henderson's door open. It had its
ain peculiar kind of creak. Sitting, as I was, mair and mair puzzled,
I could hear auld Lizzie scuffling aboot on the half-landing.
"A'll housewife ye, ya jumped up wee tart.away an bugger yersel".
And once again all fell silent, as I heard Lizzie's door creak shut.
Noo, I was only about seven or eight, and this was a first.
Unbeknowns tae me, there were clouds forgetherin, the like ae
which I had never seen before. Suddenly Mary McIlwraith's door
opened and a tireade of abuse about Lizzies lazy domestic talents
was unleashed. It was clear, however that Mary was all alone on
the sterheid. "Ye huvnae done they effin stairs fur three effin weeks"
The effins went on for a minute or so and she shut the door again,
with a slam.
I was shitting myself, oh aye.
Next, it was Lizzie's creaking door, and then she was all
alone on the landing. "A'll effin stairs ye, ya wee shite.
It was your turn onywey.", then her door shut again..with a slam.
It was a ritual.
I managed to get out of the lavvy during this lapse in the
hostilities and sat doon at the front of the close tae play wi some
tar that was always aboot. Though it was only minutes later that
Mary started to bang on Lizzie's door in a highly threatening way.
I could hear it all the way up the close.
Even I knew.this was it..!
Lizzie, a tall skinny woman came fleein oot her door an landed a
cracker right on Mary's 'coupon' (face). There were real screams
This was a full-fledged Sterheid Rammy, no holds barred.
There were raised female voices, and mair Effin an' Blindin than
ever came oot o' a Coal Heaver's mooth. It went on for a long time
and doors were banged, reopened, banged shut and plates were
being broken. Shouts of 'holymarymotherogoad' coud be heard as
well as 'orangebastard', whatever that was.
Jist at that, Alec Harrison who lived on the top floor (tap fler),
made his way up, acknowledged the wimmin, and just walked up
tae his hoose through the battle. (This was another wee ritual)
Now this was part of the code. Naebody else got involved.!
The Rammy just went on-and-on-and-on, until such time as
it was time tae make the dinner for the menfolk, who were
hiding inside.
Well, you are no doubt wondering how such a standoff could
be put right. This is where the menfolk came in, using
their time honoured social skills.
When Jimmy McIlwraith contrived to meet Rab Henderson
on the stair, an hour later, there was yet another code.
"Aye, Rab, that's they wimmin fightin again, so it is"
"Ach, a know, Lizzie's goat an awful temper when she gets sterted
A'm glad its goat nuthin tae dae wi us"
"Yer right there Rab, see ye at McNivens pub, eight o'cloack.
By-the way Rab, d'ye see Big Tommy's goat a new greyhound.
It wid eat yer haun oaff"
Denial!!
Aye.
--
Glenallan
---------
I will have to take you back some fifty years or so.
Before Glasgow Corporation raised the auld tenements tae
the grun, there was a peculiarly democratic code that existed in
the mair or less dingy closes of the tenements.
What you need to understand is that a 'Close' would comprise
maybe three levels, each called a Storey, and each, except the
ground floor having a half-landing, which would house a stinking
latrine called a Lavvy (lavatory). Each level may have a mixture
of say three, sometimes four, flats containing families of up to
half-a-dozen or more individuals.
There was invariably a 'Singalend', or more elusively called
'butt-and-ben', a 'through-and-through', and a 'twin' flat where
the kitchenette lay side by side with the room, adjoined by
a 'loabby'.
The loabby was where bikes were kept, using a pulley, and
a stout wooden bunker was sited against the wall to house the
domestic coal reserves. It is worth saying here, in case you were
wondering, that the lavvy had to serve about 25 people.
Naturally, people, (of other families, so I'm told), thought
nothing of pissing in the sink if the lavvy was loacked.
However I digress.
Picturing then, this three dimensional geography, the scene is set for
the playing-oot of the Sterheid Rammy. Only one further ingredient
was necessary. Flagrant contravention of 'the code' of
'the tinnamint close.'
One day, I remember it well, I was sitting in the half-landing lavvy,
reading a sheet of the newspaper that was subsequently tae be used
tae wipe ma erse, when I heard Mrs McIlwraith mouthing off ,
tae ma horror, some really unutterable oaths, quietly but getting
louder.
From behind the door, which I was holding shut, on account
of the lock being broken for fifty years or so, I could hear her sort
of shuffling up and down the stair..and a low swearing.
All of a sudden, she erupted, "Ca yersell a hoosewife ya dirty
bastard Henderson", and then she disappeared intae the hoose
and shut the door wi a slam.
Next, I could hear auld Mrs Henderson's door open. It had its
ain peculiar kind of creak. Sitting, as I was, mair and mair puzzled,
I could hear auld Lizzie scuffling aboot on the half-landing.
"A'll housewife ye, ya jumped up wee tart.away an bugger yersel".
And once again all fell silent, as I heard Lizzie's door creak shut.
Noo, I was only about seven or eight, and this was a first.
Unbeknowns tae me, there were clouds forgetherin, the like ae
which I had never seen before. Suddenly Mary McIlwraith's door
opened and a tireade of abuse about Lizzies lazy domestic talents
was unleashed. It was clear, however that Mary was all alone on
the sterheid. "Ye huvnae done they effin stairs fur three effin weeks"
The effins went on for a minute or so and she shut the door again,
with a slam.
I was shitting myself, oh aye.
Next, it was Lizzie's creaking door, and then she was all
alone on the landing. "A'll effin stairs ye, ya wee shite.
It was your turn onywey.", then her door shut again..with a slam.
It was a ritual.
I managed to get out of the lavvy during this lapse in the
hostilities and sat doon at the front of the close tae play wi some
tar that was always aboot. Though it was only minutes later that
Mary started to bang on Lizzie's door in a highly threatening way.
I could hear it all the way up the close.
Even I knew.this was it..!
Lizzie, a tall skinny woman came fleein oot her door an landed a
cracker right on Mary's 'coupon' (face). There were real screams
This was a full-fledged Sterheid Rammy, no holds barred.
There were raised female voices, and mair Effin an' Blindin than
ever came oot o' a Coal Heaver's mooth. It went on for a long time
and doors were banged, reopened, banged shut and plates were
being broken. Shouts of 'holymarymotherogoad' coud be heard as
well as 'orangebastard', whatever that was.
Jist at that, Alec Harrison who lived on the top floor (tap fler),
made his way up, acknowledged the wimmin, and just walked up
tae his hoose through the battle. (This was another wee ritual)
Now this was part of the code. Naebody else got involved.!
The Rammy just went on-and-on-and-on, until such time as
it was time tae make the dinner for the menfolk, who were
hiding inside.
Well, you are no doubt wondering how such a standoff could
be put right. This is where the menfolk came in, using
their time honoured social skills.
When Jimmy McIlwraith contrived to meet Rab Henderson
on the stair, an hour later, there was yet another code.
"Aye, Rab, that's they wimmin fightin again, so it is"
"Ach, a know, Lizzie's goat an awful temper when she gets sterted
A'm glad its goat nuthin tae dae wi us"
"Yer right there Rab, see ye at McNivens pub, eight o'cloack.
By-the way Rab, d'ye see Big Tommy's goat a new greyhound.
It wid eat yer haun oaff"
Denial!!
Aye.
--
Glenallan
---------